the logo

today i am going to talk about what campaign and imaging is all about. the almighty logo. if my drinking buddy jesus has his halo, i have the logo. look it up before you laugh, you ignorant agency cavemen: the scripture says, "in the beginning was the word...". the word "word" is the greek word for "word" which is logos. dumwit, fuckshit. i know these things because i am the client.

more than anything else, the logo is what reminds me that the ad agency is my bitch. and every time i want to make it chase its tail, i just say, "make the goddamn logo bigger." this request is sure to give the art director an extra pimple. or, if we are doing a tv ad, i can always see the producer roll his eyes through the eye behind my head. i can even hear the silent giggles of junior AEs, the ones i am going to punish with ridiculous demands that will deprive them of precious weekends.

a bit sadistic you might say. but this is what the masochists at the agency really wants.

here's proof that my bitch loves any form of logo, sometimes even more than i do: when i walk in their lobby, holy jesus, their logos are big. plural, take note. it is a bit scary. even their fact books have logos. and when i visit their website, the landing page alone has - gasp - three logos. powerpoint templates? you bet, there's a logo on every fucking slide! yes, i count them all, the way i count my logos in every ad. and fuss about its size. (don't be a wiseass - for radio commercials, i make it a point to hear my brand at the first 5 seconds even if it's a 15 seconder or else...)

the lesson here is that as a client, one must always demand for logo revisions. bigger and more is always better. 

structure: the marketing team

i was thinking of doing a post about one of my suppliers - the advertising agency - my slaves really, but i thought i should introduce first the structure of my marketing team. this blog is after all, about me, the client.

basically, i am the top dog. this means that it is my signature that makes things move. from creating campaigns to cheating the government. i am the big shot who occupies the corner office. i am the bad ass with the bloated salary.

under me is a vice president for marketing. she thinks she's intelligent. i let her think that she's intelligent. specially when we are in bed. i even give her the illusion that there are some things that she can make a decision on, things that she can make a call on. but i always shame her every single time she does that. not intelligent, i tell you.

under her are the brand managers. these are young, driven, ambitious marketing graduates into their 6 or so years in the firm, raising their own little babies. i make it clear that there's not a single decision they have to make. they are brand managers by title only. i don't even give them the illusion that that they can think. anyone voicing their dissent is fired, on the spot.

under the brand managers are management trainees. these are also marketing graduates but are very young and very impressionable. i always corrupt their minds early. i never fail to train them that they have no opinion at all unless it is demanding something unreasonable from the ad agency, our slaves. that's right, as early as day one, my staff already knows that the agency is nothing but a supplier.

we're lean, we're mean. and under my baton, we make slaves out of our suppliers.