people: my vp for marketing

given that i have been screwing with her body long enough (her mind for even longer), my veepee for marketing deserves a post. if i could only name her, i would charge her an arm and a leg for this exposure.

i can actually squeeze this post into two words:

fucktard.

dimbecile.

yes, those are actually four words but i just can't avoid describing her in a mentally unstable kind of way because let's face it, had it been any different, she wouldn't be working for me, would she. it's not like she would miss how i fuck her. it's more that she knows she wouldn't survive the real P&G and Unilever jungles. quid pro quo, as doctor hannibal would say. you work for me and in return i give you the hope that you will be the queen someday (not to mention i fuck you whenever i well damn please).

one more hint of her being mentally unstable is that she is given to crying a lot like a fucking sissy. crying as in tears. in meetings, on the phone, while doing product testing, during a tv shoot. wtf. and she's into all these drugs so she could fall asleep. tsk, tsk, maybe i just need to fuck her some more.

freaks have always attracted me, the uglier, the better. like those explorers of yore venturing into terra incognita, there is that primal calling to shame, use, and eventually discard my second in command. she just doesn't know it yet.

my tenets

everything there is to know about creating an advertising campaign, i learned from myself. i am the client, after all.

you, poor people you, and i mean that in the monetary term as well, are so goddamn lucky to be learning from me. take these to heart and you too shall be on top of the marketing ladder, bossing it over to advertising agencies unlucky enough to be servicing whatever brands you will be handling. servicing, i love that word. doesn't it make them agency people sound like the prostitutes that they are?

on to my tenets:

1. the client is king. 

this cannot be refuted, doubted, and disputed. a lot have tried both from my marketing staff to ad agency slaves, and they all have failed. they all have been fired never to get a glimpse of my genius ever again. i repeat my blog's tagline (i learned that word from a junior copywriter whom i intimidated and harassed on her first presentation) to bring this point to a close: he who signs the C.E. creates the campaign. that's right, i, the client, dare to use the word create.

2. the consumer is stupid.

henry ford, the inventor of the automobile and my own personal marketing hero once said:

"if i had asked what my consumers wanted, they would have replied, 'a faster horse.'" i rest my case.

3. the advertising agency is a supplier.

if your puny, little mind can accommodate only a bit of my wisdom, forget that first two tenets and drill this third point into your brain. this is what will make you survive, get ahead, and to use the word again, create groundbreaking campaigns. this is what this blog is about. this is what you can expect from my brilliance. i will be explaining this point in all future posts so that everyone will know how to behave like a king.